Valentine’s Day: Team Yuck or Team Yeah? An Alternative Message

Yep, we've packed away the Christmas tree and already booked our holiday while trawling the internet for this year's beachwear that is going to get us Instagram ready…then boom, before you know it, in sneaks Valentine’s Day!

So, when it comes to Valentine’s Day are you Team Yuck or Team Yeah?

Team Yuck!: “It’s nothing but a  commercial holiday invented by the folk who make greeting cards, chocolates or grow roses” Bah-humbug!! Oh, and of course; “I express my love every day so I don’t need to do it on that one day that everyone says I have to“ along with “Too bloody expensive!”.

Or…

Team Yeah!= “Valentine’s Day is my most favourite holiday in the entire year - it’s all about Love and I love Love” .

What does that even mean? What is this thing called Love? If I asked you to give me your definition of “Love” no two people would say the same thing. 

From the beginning of time many books, most music , some paintings and nowadays almost all Netflix, Amazon Prime, Disney + (or whatever streaming outfit you use) is devoted to telling us all about Love. How to do it, when to do it, how to be the best at it, what to do if you’re rubbish at it - good luck to them! 

By the way - this is not going to be a list of things you can buy, or cute little things you can do to have or create the Perfect Valentine’s Day. There are hundreds of articles out there that will tell you where to get the best candles, perfume/cologne, concert tickets, whatever. This is a conversation for us grownups on a few things you might want to think about in advance rather than asking Alexa or Siri on February 13th: “H-E-L-P !!! What should I be doing tomorrow to show my love?” 

I am going to give you a few things to think about. Match them up to your situation and create a Valentine’s Day - if you so wish - that reflects who you are and where you are at.

After writing hundreds of articles, a few books, television programmes, giving seminars - I decided it was time to stop trying to define “Love”…total waste of time. Let’s just throw out the rulebook and get on with it )or not, as the case may be). Ooh but that’s a bit scary now isn’t it? Might be a bit scary but in the worst case scenario - you know where to buy your own chocolates.

However, there is one thing we will pretty much all agree on; and that is that there are basically three phases of “Love”.

Phase One : Let’s See If I Can Find Someone To Bounce Around With

Tips For Phase One:

• Are you looking for someone to make you happy or complete your life?
• Are you looking for someone to ‘get over’ someone else?
• What are you most afraid of? This is probably the biggest thing to address before you start out. Take it from me, people have been falling in and out of love for centuries. Just be careful. Go slowly. Have standards but not expectations.
• Do NOT ignore red flags.
• Be open to a wide range of possibilities. Some of the most successful relationships are two people who on paper you would never expect work - but somehow they did.

Phase Two : This One Seems Tolerable/Likeable/Loveable/A Keeper

Tips For Phase Two:

• Do you trust this person?
• Are you comfortable in this person’s company?
• Are you mentally and physically attracted to this person to the level that you need the attractions to be?
• Are your lifeplans in sync? Do you want to be a trapeze artist with no children and do they want to be a chartered surveyor with three kids and an Irish Setter?
• Do your beliefs, morals and general outlook on the world resonate? No, they don’t have to be exactly the same but be careful if they are wildly different.

Phase Three : I’m Not Perfect, They’re Not Perfect But Damn This Is Good!

Tips For Phase Three:

• Closing your eyes and hoping the feeling will last for the rest of your life is an impractical expectation. A long term successful relationship takes work, time, and effort. Except of course in the movies, but they only have 90 minutes.
• Like a garden, love grows and changes. Also like a garden it takes tending and nurturing. Yes there may be a harsh Winter but Spring returns and if the garden has been well tended it blooms again.
• Speak regularly and often. About big things and little things; put the phone away and go for a walk.
• Yes you will have arguments but never treat each other with less than the utmost respect.
• You’ve travelled a distance to get this far, enjoy the journey.

Now you see that Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about ‘stuff’…it can be if you like, but it doesn’t have to be. Some of my best Valentine’s have been the simplest, the least costly, but they were filled with love and honouring whoever we were/are as a twosome. 

In the end, even though I started seeing those little red hearts popping up in the aisles at the supermarket on the 27th of December, Valentine’s Day is just a day that comes after the tree and before the chocolate bunny - and what that is going to mean is totally up to YOU!